Transitions Are Two Things: Good & Sad

I was scrolling my life away on TikTok again, big shock, and I saw a tiktokker say something that strongly resonated with me. I almost cried because tiktokker, Zachariah (@zzzachariah), described what I am going through. Zachariah is in the process of moving to New York City which means he will have to say goodbye to his beloved cute little pug (that he co-parents with his ex). He said while in tears, "Life is sad, and transitions are good and sad. And that's just how life works."

How does this relate to me? Well, life update. I moved away from my childhood home in Ontario to beautiful British Columbia. That's right, I became a West Coast girl (cringe statement, I know).

Why did I move so far away? Well, lemme tell you...

Back in October 2021, I remember when I was out visiting my friends in Scarborough. My friends, Tina and Ivy, said something that has always stuck with me. Seriously, what they said was stuck in the back of my mind every day. While I was washing Ivy's dishes (that she told me not to do) at her apartment, they said, "Wow, Ro. Look at you. It's like you live here... To be honest, we feel like you've outgrown Niagara Falls." Honestly? They were right. I felt like I didn't belong in Niagara anymore.

Tina, Ivy, Jo, just wanted to let you guys know that I miss you all so much already.

I did a shit ton of reflecting since then. I dare say I had something like a quarter-life crisis. I did so much thinking and asked myself so many questions. I know that I felt stuck with where I am in my life at the time. When Tina and Ivy said that life-changing statement, it was only then that I realized that I felt stuck for a while now. I felt like I wasn't moving forward and that I stopped growing. I was becoming too comfortable and complacent with my life. I didn't feel fulfilled and that something was missing. I wanted something more.

Now before anyone mentions age, you are allowed to feel stuck in life regardless of your age. Heck, I've felt stuck many times growing up as a kid and teen. Those moments were just signs that I needed to grow and change. To be honest, I was frustrated when I mentioned to other people that I felt stuck in life. They commented that I was "too young" to feel this way. It's extremely invalidating and uncalled for to be told that. Because... Uh, no I'm not "too young." I particularly get this a bit more from my older colleagues. On a more positive note, I've had more people tell me that they understood why I felt so stuck in life and that they too have gone through the same phases when they were younger.

Before I talk about the next reason why I moved away, I have to stress this immensely. My boyfriend at the time lives in Vancouver, British Columbia. When news got out to the extended family that I was moving to BC, my cousins told me that the titas were gossiping about how I was "moving for a man." Let me get this straight... I am moving FOR ME. Thankfully my cousins already knew that truth. My life decisions are for me and me only. Before considering BC, I was thinking of moving to Hamilton or the Greater Toronto Area (GTA). My ex didn't live in either of those places, but I was still considering it. I was weighing out the pros and cons of moving out and each of the cities I was considering moving to. Wanna take a look at those pros and cons?

Hamilton

Pros: closer to work and less travel time needed; better hospital system than Niagara; not too far away from family

Cons: not the kind of big city life I wanted because well... it's not a big city; I have bad roommate experience after university; I was starting to get tired of my current job at the time

Toronto/GTA

Pros: more job positions and different fields of nursing available; big city life I always wanted to try; close to GTA friends and still close enough to visit family easily

Cons: expensive af to live there; have to go through finding-a-roommate-process, which I didn't want to do

Vancouver

Pros: lots of mental health nursing jobs that I was interested in; big city life; my ex was there, we could split living costs if we live together

Cons: the process of getting a BC nursing license; transferring government services from Ontario to BC; faraway from everyone I know and love

That was a pretty good snapshot of what I was thinking about for a hot minute. Now the next reason I was talking about earlier was already kinda given away in that snapshot. I wanted to live in a big city, the downtown city girl life. I don't have any major commitments like children of my own (aside from my bunnies), so why not live that life now while I can? The opportunity was there, so I'm gonna take it. I wanted to go somewhere big and new, a fresh new start. Living with my boyfriend, who is one of my best friends, was a bonus. A really big and happy bonus.

Vancouver, or more like all of BC, is well-renowned in Canada for its progressive healthcare system for mental health, harm reduction for substance use and alcohol, and indigenous health. These are areas that I am passionate about in nursing, so of course, I gravitated to Vancouver. But, I was also itching for something a bit different than what I was doing already. For the past two years, I worked in forensic psychiatric rehab. I was starting to get tired of it. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I especially loved the team that I was working with. But, I've been doing psych rehab for two years. I wanted to dip my toes into something new.

Originally, I was looking into sexual health jobs until I stumbled across a posting on LinkedIn. It was a registered nurse position at a specialized unit for moms and babies struggling with drugs and alcohol. It was based in Vancouver too. I looked into that job posting more and thought, "Oh wow. This is something I would seriously love to do." I had those feelings again, those feelings of desire and motivation. I haven't felt like that since I was applying for my first nursing job. I was excited and even though I wasn't set on moving to Vancouver at the time, I applied. This was in November 2021. I thought to myself, "It wouldn't hurt to try. The worst they could do was reject my application."

And they did.

I got an email a month later from the hospital's admin saying that they are not accepting out-of-province applicants. Ouch. I mean, I understood. I also didn't have official certification in maternal nursing either. I just thought that I had a chance with my mental health background as I worked with patients who struggle with substance and alcohol use. I won't deny though, I did feel pretty disappointed and a bit disheartened because I wanted this job. Like, I seriously wanted this job.

But wait another email?

In December 2021, I got another email from the same hospital admin department except it was from a different person. This person told me to disregard whoever told me that they were not accepting out-of-province applicants and that they were interested in setting up an interview with me. I was mind blown, but also extremely hopeful. I started applying for a BC nursing license the same day I got the email. I was so excited that I showed the email to my mom, to which she became upset. I remembered her getting flustered, saying "No! That's too far away from me." I understood why she responded the way that she did, but it still hurt.

I know that my mom loved having all five of her kids at home. She tells us many times that her children are the biggest accomplishments of her life, that her kids are her life. This wasn't the first time that I moved out of the house. I moved away to Hamilton for university. This time was different, I was moving across the country. It would be the farthest away I have ever been from my family. I hate the idea of being the reason why Mom was sad. I didn't want to confront it, so I haven't given her any update about the application since then.

Fast forward, I was interviewed for the job in January 2022. I was so nervous that I read the hospital unit's entire handbook on their model of care before the interview. I also asked Ivy to help me with a simulated or practice interview. That is one thing I strongly recommend to anyone preparing for interviews, practice them. It will make a huge difference, I swear. I got a lot of feedback that I know helped me for the real thing. Thank you, Ivy, for helping me with that. Then in February 2022, I got the call. I got the job. I internally squealed with excitement and happiness. I did it! I got the job I wanted so bad. I was moving to Vancouver!

These past few months were just a bunch of adrenaline and anticipation for this job. It was new and I finally felt like I was moving forward. I got the job! But now I have a new challenge... Telling my mom.

Oh god, the anxiety and nervousness I felt when I thought about what to tell my parents. The stress was real. So, how did it go when I told my parents about my plan to move to BC?

To my surprise, Dad was supportive of me moving away. He was the first to know before Mom. It is normally the other way around. I was more afraid of telling him until we had one of those deep talks when he was driving me home from work. My initial plan was to tell my both parents about my move after I got a job offer.

A couple of weeks later, it was night time and Dad was driving. Dad asked me, "What are your goals for this year?" I lackadaisically replied, "Just work." He said, "Let me change the question, what are the goals for you and your boyfriend (at the time)?" The question struck me odd, Dad normally asks about my future but this was the first time he asked about my future with a significant other. He continued to ask questions about what I wanted in my life and my future. It was almost like he knew or was prompting me to say what I was about to say. He was calm when asking me, relaxed. The atmosphere wasn't tense at all, and he genuinely seemed curious but hinted that he already knew. At that time, it was now or never I thought. I took a deep breath and said, "Dad, I want to go to BC. I feel like I'm too comfortable in life. I'm stuck and I'm not moving forward. I feel like I'm not growing." There was a brief pause with silence in the car. You would think I started to get nervous because of this silence, but strangely I wasn't. I felt relieved. I didn't feel scared or worried. I felt like I was going to be alright and that a huge weight was taken off my shoulders.

Dad simply said, "I saw it coming. I know Mommy will miss you. She'll be looking for you. I will miss you. But, I don't want to be the one holding you back in life. I agree with you, you are too comfortable with where you are right now. I know you love your job, but I don't think your job in mental health should be your lifetime career. I'm glad you are looking for different options and we raised you to grab whatever opportunities are available to you."

I almost felt like crying because the conversation went on so calmly, so casually. I wanted to cry because Daddy supported me and I had nothing to fear. This was the first time I opened up to Dad about a huge life decision. He did tell me to wait until I have a job offer before I told Mom, he said "That way, she knows you have a secure career and that you can take care of yourself financially." The rest of the conversation was about how my boyfriend at the time feels about me moving in with him and what the job searching for me was like. Dad told me he wanted to make sure that my ex was able to take care of me both emotionally and financially. I also told him about the job I wanted and the population I was going to be working with. He was interested and listened to me ramble on about a job I didn't have yet.

For the rest of the month, I would be updating Dad about everything. I felt bad for not updating Mom, but I wasn't ready to tell her yet. I was avoiding conversations about job hunting as much as I could. I know that she knew that I wanted to move out, but she didn't know that I was moving to BC. I told my brothers, and they were supportive. I mean I tell my brothers everything so it was easy to tell them.

February comes, I get the call that I got the job while I visiting my ex in Vancouver. Immediately, I started planning on how to tell Mom. As stressful and nerve-wracking as it was, it was also kind of funny. I planned on taking Mom on a cute dinner date at a fancy restaurant. My question was when during the meal do I tell her? I remember asking my youngest brother this, and Kelly said, "Tell her between the middle and the end of the meal. Butter her up with food. That way, the food will be a cushion for when you tell her the news." Meanwhile, my second youngest brother Bonnie said, "Thank God I am at work when you guys come back from dinner, that way I don't have to deal with it when you guys come back." I think my brother was referring to my Mom possibly becoming grumpy because I may potentially spoil her dinner.

Then came the night that I took Mumsy out for dinner. Well, she drove but still. Anyways, I was stressed the days coming up to this dinner. In my head, all I could think about what how was I going to tell her and when. I was mentally preparing myself for breaking my mother's heart or her becoming upset. The time came for us to leave the house and we were driving to meet our dinner reservation. Mom started to ask me about the job interview that she overheard me having a few weeks ago (I had it in my room online via Zoom) while she was home. I started stuttering and blubbering like a fool, "Uh, well... I don't know... I will let you know uh when I get the job or not." This woman flat out says, "You know you can tell me anything right? Daddy says you have something tell me." I was like, "Waht?" Not "what", but "waht." I know my coworkers, friends, and family will tell you guys that the way I say "waht" sounds like a duck quacking. I knew there was no more delaying it at that point and said, "I got the job and it's in BC."

Her response? Immediately she said, "I thought so. Daddy did tell me. So anyway, the restaurant we are going to is really good. I did my research." I was ASTONISHED. FLABBERGHASTED. SHOCKED. That's it? That was the big reveal? I was stressed out for the most anti-climatic reveal ever? Uh, yeah I guess. I guess it helped that Dad gave her the heads up and let Mom process that I am moving away. There was no drama at all. We enjoyed dinner and Mom was asking me about my job. She also expressed her content about me switching to something that was not just mental health nursing and a safer work environment too. I told my brothers about what happened, Boing was just as shocked as I was when he heard about Mom's reaction. He even said, "So I was worried for nothing? I stressed at work about this." Boy, imagine how I felt.

Since February, I have been updating my parents about my hiring process and plans to move. I was really happy that I was able to talk to both of my parents about this. I wanted them to be involved in such an important chapter of my life. I wasn't scared of anything anymore with their support. I didn't have to hide anything and because of that, I was able to enjoy to final weeks living together with my whole family.

To all of you who read the entire thing, thank you. I appreciate you for doing that.

To my friends and family back home, I miss you all dearly. Especially my family, I miss you guys so much. I have cried multiple times because I hate how quiet it is in the apartment without hearing the voices of my family in the background.

To my Orchard 3 family, I miss working with the best team ever. My home away from home. We went through hell and did the craziest shenanigans together. I will never forget my time on R3 and my R3 family. Just don't forget me too, hehe.