Racing Myself

Don't be fooled. My shorts are definitely pulled up to hide my stomach. I gained over 10 lbs, have not worked out in over a month, been eating and drinking with no restrictions, and lacked motivation.

I was in another slump. I'm barely getting out of this one.

I've been noticing in pictures how I'm losing definition or tone throughout my body, especially my arms. My face is a bit more round. Even Grandpa, and I know he means no harm, pointed out how "well-fed" I must've been since meeting Shea. The scale hurts. I remember going to the waterpark in Edmonton, having to step on a scale before going on a drop slide, and I realized the weight gain. I've been really self-conscious and really hard on myself.

I was struggling to finish my glute workout today, my 2nd day back at the gym in over a month. I was disappointed in myself because of my struggles. I wasn't going as hard as before, I felt weak, I was dizzy, and I felt exhausted. I wanted to finish early, then mentally reprimanded myself for those thoughts.

Shea saw me and said, "There is no race. You are not racing against anyone. You're not racing your old self. You're here, and that's good enough. You are going hard because you are here (the gym). You don't have to go as hard as before. Just do as much as you can right now. That's your best, and that's great." I wanted to share this for anyone else struggling with fitness and nutrition as well.

So I cut out one exercise. He was right, I was racing and comparing my current self with my old self. I was congratulating my current self for even making it to the gym. I wasn't being realistic or fair to myself. Of course I'm not the same as before, and that's okay. I just gotta focus on working on myself now, and I'll get stronger again.

Thank you, honey bear (@sheaogorath222) 💛 for being my biggest support and my gym buddy. I love you.

And to me, you did a great freaking job today 👏 absolutely slayed 🔥 my legs were shaking for 5 minutes after I finished my workout.